There’s a fine line between addiction and obsessive compulsive behavior. In fact the word compulsion is in one of the definitions for addiction. It’s also something I’m personally acquainted with because it’s a line I traverse regularly. Most people think in terms of extremes when it comes to addiction and OCD, but in truth there are varying degrees of both.

I should preface this by admitting that my father was an alcoholic. Like most addicts, it started with social drinking which then progressed to full blown alcoholism. And like many alcoholics, he never admitted to having a problem. And it was that addiction that eventually killed him. Officially he died of heart failure, but the contributing factors were alcohol and smoking. It’s not a unique story or even a particularly interesting one. I mention it only because his addiction definitely had an effect on me. I should say it does have an effect on me because it’s not in the past and I don’t think it ever will be.

I’m a lightweight when it comes to OCD. I wash my hands obsessively whenever I’m working on something. It’s one of the reasons I don’t particularly like to cook or bake. Anyone who’s been unfortunate enough to see me in the kitchen will attest to the red hands and thousands of paper towels that accompany the experience. And I’m very particular about where my things are placed. When the house cleaner comes, the first thing I do is put everything back in its proper place. I do it at work too. I can always tell when someone has sat at my desk. And there are just certain things that I have to do and order in which I do them. Most people would call them eccentricities. I learned how to make my OCD work in my favor for the most part. Certainly it has helped me on the job in many ways. Being obsessed with the details and the inability to let things go have actually been pretty beneficial on the job.

A little OCD can be a good thing right up until it collides with addiction. I flirted with alcohol in my twenties. A variety of genetic factors gifted me with a high tolerance for alcohol. Unfortunately when you’re chasing a buzz, that means drinking more than what would be considered reasonable. I believe that the only reason I never crossed the line in to addiction is because I didn’t want to be my father. The moment I started to make the comparison is the same moment that I stopped. Like most adults there are times when I escape into the buzz, but those times are few and far between. More often than not, I limit myself to one or two social drinks and I never drink alone. Hard limits.

No, my father pretty much guaranteed that I would never succumb to either a drug or alcohol addiction. I focused my addictive and OCD tendencies to my job and other activities like reading and movies/television. I most definitely consider my television viewing to be an addiction. And streaming options have completely fed that addiction. I can’t just watch one or two episodes of a show. No, I have to watch them all and as quickly as possible. I watched 13 seasons of Supernatural in less than a month. For clarification that’s 287 episodes in about 30 days. Or to make it sound even worse, that’s approximately 215 hours or 8.96 days of television consumed in a month. Not much sleep happens when you’re caught up in this kind of addiction. I do the same thing with books. I have to be very careful when I start a new book because I tend to read it from cover to cover in one sitting. Stopping only happens when I become so exhausted that I fall asleep with the book in my hand.

Like I said at the beginning, it’s a fine line between addiction and OCD. I don’t bring this up because I want to make light of addiction. Far from it. I’m lucky because I grew up with an alcoholic and I’ve learned to recognize my triggers. I was even luckier that I was able to channel my demons into work. Being labeled a workaholic is the better ‘aholic’ to be labeled. I work hard to minimize my issues. And like most human beings, I slip and take two steps backwards. Which is why I can’t even imagine having to deal with a chemical addiction. I can empathize with the struggle. And I think I bring this up to remind everyone that these are areas completely shrouded in gray. If it were black and white, it would be easy and people wouldn’t need 12-step programs or clinics or therapists or any of the other myriad of options we have available for dealing with either addiction or OCD.

We all have demons. Some are just better at controlling those demons than others. I fall somewhere in the middle. Some days the demons control me and other days I control them. And the days in between? Well, those would be a work in progress.

I should have known…

I was reading an article the other day that explained why ginger ale tastes better on an airplane. I think the first memory I have of drinking ginger ale was on a plane. I was 4 and flew from Toledo to El Paso. And for many years I thought that the only place you could get ginger ale was on the airplane. And then I discovered it in the grocery store. Even then it was mainly purchased for special occasions which is weird because I’ve never heard of a special occasion soda. Anyway, it’s never tasted as good from the store as it does on the plane. I thought that it was because I had romanticized it from my childhood. I should have known there was a reason for the taste difference. Turns out it’s the altitude. Not something I ever would have guessed on my own. Just for the record, one of my favorite drinks is mixing ginger ale with lemonade. Yummy!

Veterans’ Day

I think it’s great that we salute our Veterans’ every year. I definitely think we should thank those that have served in our military. It’s not a job for everyone. It was clearly not a job for me. I have a small problem taking orders and I have issues with guns. Not exactly conducive for military service. However I have had family and friends all serve and I’m grateful. And it’s a disservice to all of those military men and women to celebrate a holiday and leave them high and dry when it comes to their medical care. Hypocrisy from our government shouldn’t be a surprise but it’s hard to stomach on some days. Regardless, it’s important to remember and honor the sacrifices made. Many thanks to all who have served…