Recently a friend complained that they felt like they were running in circles and needed to make a change. The change being a change of scenery. It was déjà vu. 30 years ago a friend insisted that moving to California was going to make his life better. It didn’t. He ended up moving back to where he started after a few years. Any time I hear this common complaint, my first thought is that it’s not a person’s location that is making them feel like they are caught in a cycle. It’s the choices one makes. At some time or another every person is going to feel like they are on the hamster wheel that sucks all your energy and has you on the path to nowhere.

Being on a never ending, circular path, where you are doomed to repeat the same thing over and over again has very little to do with your physical location – whether that’s a job or a city. You can move every year to a new city or country and still be running in circles on the hamster wheel. Choices. That’s what makes the difference. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome. Trite, but very true. It doesn’t matter if you live in Dallas, New York, Paris or on a farm in the Midwest. If you keep making the same set of choices, you will end up exactly where you started. That’s not to say that a person should never relocate. It’s just that you shouldn’t expect that a place can solve your problems or address all of your needs.

We don’t do enough introspection. It’s easier to always blame someone or something else. As a society we’ve become very adept at placing blaming everywhere other than where it probably belongs. Blame is placed on the difficult teacher, unreasonable boss, the obnoxious neighbor, the cheating ex, our government officials, the world in general. Anywhere other than on ourselves. And once the bad decision is made, we find ways to rationalize it so that we mitigate the negatives. I know this because I’m an expert at rationalization. I live with that knowledge and while I may not be honest with the people around me, I am always honest with myself. The myth is that bad choices always have a negative outcome. That is far from the truth. Bad choices can be painful and hard to live through, but you can gain a lot from making them. Every terrible decision I’ve ever made has led me to be the person I am today. I’ve learned and grown as person because of those decisions. And I like to think that everyday I become a little better of a person than I was the day before because of those choices.

Which brings me back to the hamster wheel. Whenever I feel like I’m running in circles, it’s generally because I’m not making any choice at all. Just doing the same thing every day without change. Change doesn’t have to be monumental. It can be something very little. Getting out of the office for a few minutes every day to commune with the alligator sculpture in the park that is only a block away is a tiny choice to make. But it has a big impact on my mindset while at work. I chose to stop taking that daily break which started my current hamster wheel. So tomorrow I am choosing to get off the wheel and talk to the gators. Step one in getting off the current redundant path I’m on. My friend who started this recent conversation has decided to get a certification that will open up a new career path. And if you feel like you’re on the hamster wheel, then decide to make one change. Big or small. Have lunch with a friend, take a class, read a book or do something that’s been on your to do list for years. Different choices beget different results.

Women’s World Cup –

The U.S. National Women’s Soccer Team just won the World Cup for the fourth time in the history of the competition and are repeat champions. It was an incredible performance but was not without controversy. The first match was a 13-0 stomping of Thailand. Some felt they should have eased up on what was obviously an overmatched opponent. Others, like myself, had an issue with the goal celebrations. They celebrated the 13th goal with as much gusto as they did the 1st goal. That seemed a bit much to me. I was wrong. No one criticized the NBA Dream Team that trounced opponents in the Olympics. Americans are not good winners. We scream. We shout. We are exuberant in our support. As competitors, we are proud to show our dominance…when it’s the men’s team. When women exhibit the same characteristics, then they are labeled as poor sportsmen or bullies. As if being a fierce competitor is not an attractive trait for a female. Those athletes put on a great performance and were right to be proud of every step and goal. If it were easy, then every country would have had the honor at least once. They were incredible, regardless of their gender.

Speaking of which…How long is it going to take before we, as a society, stop using labels to define people and determine their worth? This World Cup was steeped in politics. Not foreign politics as one would expect in an international competition. No, it was domestic politics that took the main stage. The women’s team is currently suing the U.S. Soccer Federation for equal pay. There is no question that the women’s team is and has been far more successful than their male counterparts but make significantly less money. Payouts have increased but there is still almost a 30% difference between what the women and men make for winning. Why? The argument is that the ad revenue is lower for the women’s matches. That’s probably true but the question remains. Why? Do companies expect to pay less for advertising during women’s sports? Or do the networks assume those same companies won’t pay the same ad rates? What would happen if a network just set the ad costs the same for televised matches regardless of gender? I find it hard to believe that the spots would go unsold. It would be an interesting experiment at the very least.

More importantly, all businesses should pay their employees based on the quality of work and experience brought to the workplace. Gender should have no bearing on that. I’ve never understood how the difference can be justified. My hope is that someday we’ll figure out which differences matter and which don’t.

Family Fun –

I don’t know how I ended up with the family I have. We are a very small family. And somehow, we are all just a little bit crazy. My 4th of July long weekend was split into two parts. The first half was spent in the middle of the New Mexico desert at my uncle’s new home. Beautiful home. But…there’s always a but…no paved roads. It was a somewhat developed area and there were paved roads around. Just not the one leading to his home. I swear I thought we were done with the dirt roads after my grandparents passed away. Nope. I suppose I should have been grateful that this particular dirt road had a street sign. My grandparents place did not. You just had to keep making right turns until the last turn which was left. Good luck in knowing when you had arrived at that last turn. And the mosquitos were the size of baby elephants. I swear I could hear them laughing when the bug repellent came out. And par the usual, we did our best to set ourselves and the immediate area on fire with the fireworks. It was a complete blast! Pun intended.

The second half of my weekend was spent at home playing the infernal game Mansions of Madness. We have been unsuccessfully playing the same scenario for over a month. Any normal person or persons would have taken a break and played a different scenario just for a change. But not us. No, we had to play the same one every week trying to beat the game. Failure every week. Until this one. The dice finally rolled our way and when we finally won, we almost couldn’t believe it. For about three seconds. Then we whooped it up like we had just won the Super Bowl. The celebratory jumping up and down like crazy people scared the dogs. And five seconds after that we started discussing the next scenario to attempt. Lunatics. We are complete lunatics. We have a ton of fun with our lunacy though.