There are just some phrases that, although benign, seem to aggravate people. Have a nice day is one of those phrases. How are you, happy holidays and whatever are other words/phrases that are guaranteed to be annoying on any given day. There is a litany of reasons for why they aggravate, but for most it’s the perceived meaning behind the words and not the actual words themselves. Sometimes it is the insincerity behind the utterance, like the store clerk who is clearly bored with their job and mutters “have a nice day” under their breath. Or it’s the political correctness of saying Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas. Though for non-believers, Happy Holidays is a way to recognize the season without bringing the religious into it. In which case, what’s annoying people is the perception that anyone using the phrase Happy Holidays either doesn’t believe in God or doesn’t want to offend people that do. Personally, I think the phrase has been twisted completely out of connotation and has been vilified unfairly.
There are two phrases being bandied about these days that annoy me to no end. The first of these is “I appreciate you.” I hear that phrase quite a bit where I work, and it never ceases to make me cranky. I will concede that this is a personal issue that has more to do with my discontent on the job then with the people that are using the phrase. Seriously, though…you appreciate me? How is that possible when you don’t know anything about me? It would be more correct that you appreciate what it was that I did for you. In which case, I’d prefer a simple thank you. Appreciating a person implies a deeper connection that what actually exists. And I dislike the pretense of co-workers thinking we have some sort of connection outside the workplace, when in reality it is a very straight forward working relationship. I don’t know when this started because my previous employer had a cultural environment where thanking anyone or recognizing good work was a mortal sin. I’m now in the other extreme where doing your job is an award-winning moment all the time. To say it’s been a bit like suffering whiplash is an understatement. That said, I still can’t stand to be “appreciated.” Please just say thank you and give it a rest. Unless of course, you really do know me and can actually back up that feeling of appreciation.
The other phrase that gets on my last nerve is work-life balance. Whoever claimed that we are supposed to have a balance? More importantly (to me) is when did work stop being a part of life? I was recently lectured by my boss about having a better work-life balance. A lecture that I neither invited nor wanted to hear. My life, which includes my work, is for me to manage. I make decisions based on what is best for me and those I care about. My job is just a part of the total that is my life. And it is never in balance. Some days work dominates my time (which is how I lost so much time for my blog) and other days it is my personal life that dominates. I decide how to balance the activities in my life. No one else. Does my employer have a role in the decision-making process? Of course. It would be silly and naïve to suggest otherwise. When I worked for a clock watching, micro manager who made ridiculous demands of my time, it was my decision to give in to the demands. And I was the one who decided when I had enough and made the choice to move on. I chose to transfer to another department/manager, but I had also started looking for a new job. I recognized an unhealthy situation and made the choice to look for a position that was better suited for me. I was lucky in that the position was within the same company which made for an easier transition. I know that’s not always the case for everyone.
I recently read an article in USA Today, where the president of a company in Chicago wrote an essay that he posted on Linked In telling his employees to stop apologizing for having a life outside of the office. The bottom line is that he trusts his staff to be the professionals that they were hired to be. It’s a great read and a mindset that more employers need to adopt. That’s all I’m asking from my manager. I am paid to be a professional and all I ask it to be treated like one. I know the rigors of my job and recognize when there are times when it’s mandatory that I be in a specific spot at a specific time. Trust me to know when it’s okay to come in a little late or work offsite when it’s needed. Adhering to the outdated traditional work schedule is only going to drive me away. Having to beg for time off in order to schedule a plumber to come to my house to unclog a drain is demoralizing. I’m a night owl and sometimes do my best thinking after 11pm. Stop accusing me of being a workaholic because I send an email late at night. And certainly, don’t hold it against me when I’m still in a sleep coma at 8am the next morning. Stop trying to remake into someone else. I’ve never been a morning person and at this stage of my life, it’s unlikely that I’m going to change no matter how much you decide to lecture me. I’d much rather have a boss who lets me be me. In the essay, one of the phrases that stuck with me was the lament of infantilization of the workplace. We are all adults and should be treated as such.
Work-life balance is a façade. Work is a part of life. I don’t need balance. What I need is a better blending of work and personal time. That starts with a company or manager that respects the blending of time. Technology has obliterated the old version of separation between work and personal. As it is unlikely that we will ever go backwards, it’s time for more companies and managers to move forward. It means eliminating the distinction between sick and vacation time off. PTO (paid time off) should be the universal standard with little restrictions as to how it is used by the employee. Recognize that there are 24 hours in the day and people can choose to work during any one of those hours. Does that mean that as an employee, I should be able to do whatever and whenever I want? Of course not. Not even the owner of a company has that kind of luxury. However, it’s not unrealistic to think that some flexibility is warranted. I don’t need a boss who tells me how to run my life. No adult does. It’s insulting to even suggest such a thing. Employees should be treated as the professional they are unless their actions prove otherwise.
Please don’t tell me I need a better work-life balance. Don’t tell me you appreciate me. If you don’t appreciate me, then I won’t tell you to have a nice day.
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The New York Times recently launched a new show on Hulu called “The Weekly.” The first episode was a half hour on a prep school in Louisiana that lauds itself on sending students to Ivy league colleges. While there was indeed success, there was a lot more to the story than originally believed. It was well-done and I highly recommend it. It was more in depth than an internet piece and the visuals of the students behind the story were more telling than any words can be. I’m very interested in seeing how this show progresses. I think it’s a great companion to New York times print and online media.
I’ve become obsessed with matchstick art on YouTube. I’ve always suspected I was a little bit of a firebug since I was the only one of my siblings to actually torch a part of house in our youth. Though I did it with a light bulb and a sheet instead of matches. Fire is still fire. Anyway, there are people that spend hours upon hours building elaborate models made of matchsticks only to torch them in a matter of minutes. The cannon was a big favorite. A fireball shot out of the tube of the cannon. It was incredible! The funniest bit is the disclaimer to not try this at home when they are clearly filming the conflagration in their backyard. There is something very satisfying about watching the model flare in a sudden ball or wall of flames.
