Last week Toys R Us announced that they were closing all of their U.S. stores. Another retailer unable to figure out sustainability after filing bankruptcy in what is being called the retail apocalypse. Another casualty of the internet, pricing wars and the smaller American family size. I wasn’t surprised by the news as the company had been having trouble for the last several years. But it still made me sad. Toys R Us always made me smile. I had fun shopping for my friends children there. I had fun shopping for me there! But reading the news about the demise of Toys R Us made me sad. And it reminded me of simpler days.
I have always been told that it is the setbacks and tough times in life that make you stronger. That surviving the hard times makes you a better and stronger person. And I agreed with all of that on some level. But after another tough week in a long line of tough weeks, I feel that maybe it doesn’t make you stronger at all. It just wears you down – like erosion. El Paso has a beautiful mountain chain that runs right through the city. On the northeast side of the mountain, one can see the crags and rough edges of the mountain side. However on the west side, the mountain is smoother with rounded edges. The difference is the wind. The wind blows hard from the west and as time has gone on, the rough edges of the rock have been worn down. The other side has benefited from the protection and has retained it’s rough edges. Neither side of the mountain is stronger than the other. Just one is worn down. Like me.
It’s not any one thing that makes me feel that way. It’s a combination of several things. Too much work, too little sleep. Balancing financial wants and needs. Unease with the state of current politics. Concerns regarding the economics of a potential trade war. Nothing out of the ordinary or more than what any one else lives with every day. For me it’s been one grind after another since 2011 and it’s wearing me down. And I thought that I was finally coming out of it this year. I had a plan – a blog to start, a business to plan and start – on the upswing. And even if it was only an illusion in my own head, taking back control of my life.
And then came the news of another friend/co-worker with a cancer diagnosis. A hard hit. She’s one of those people that follows the rules. Goes to the doctor regularly. Does all the tests and follow-ups that are recommended. Did without the vacations and luxuries in life in order to save for her retirement. Only to be told that the doctors missed the symptoms and the cancer has spread before anyone noticed. Less than a year away from enjoying the benefits of her hard work. Life continues to prove it’s fickleness. When I got the news, all I could think of was the difficulty in watching another person in my life suffer from the effects of the disease. Of watching co-workers deal with another loss to their work family. Emotionally draining, cancer takes a toll on everyone around it.
On the heels of this news, was today’s announcement that the company I work for is merging (the polite corporate way of saying sold) with another large corporation. Not anywhere near as the same level of impact but just another item to have to be concerned about. Additional stress at work for everyone. A years worth of additional stress to be exact because the sale will probably finalize in the first or second quarter of 2019. And of course the corporate rhetoric is business as usual and to not be concerned about job loss. To be fair I’m not particularly worried about losing my job. However, I have an entire group of associates that are worried and they are looking to management to help them believe it’s going to be okay.
I’m tired. And feeling worn down. Not quite depressed but definitely not happy. And yet, there’s still a tiny part of me that remains optimistic. Somehow it still survives. I believe that life will get better. That this rough patch at work will end and I will be able to focus on my own business. That maybe there is still hope for my friend. That the state of Texas will elect its first Democratic senator in 36 years. That politics and government will again be about the people. And that people will treat each other with basic decency regardless of race, gender, sexuality or politics.
Which means that I was wrong earlier. I had the right analogy but came to the wrong conclusion. Shocker, right? Just as the mountains are strong regardless of whether they are rounded or craggy, so are people. Our strength comes from within and we all have it inside at our core. It is experiencing life’s ups and downs that smooth out our rough edges. To keep the rough edges we would have to stay in a protective bubble and not take risks. And to do that would be to not live life. Our smooth edges are proof of our experiences and a life fully lived.
As for Toys R Us? Still makes me sad. But I have hope that some version of the best toy store will continue to exist somewhere, even if it’s only in childhood memories. And I’m reminded that when life gets too hard then it’s time to play. I may have grown up, but I will always be a Toys R Us kid.
